Dear ENDPAIN Readers and Contributors,
It’s been four years since the idea of ENDPAIN was sparked. In this time, we have partnered to create a non-judgmental community of sharing and witnessing with the intent to heal. I am in deep gratitude for all of you, and especially to Robyn, Fraser, and Grace, who have worked diligently to publish work that truly honors my intention to hold space for the personal narratives that shape our human experience. Thank you for being a part of the journey to gain insights regarding our purpose, and specifically, the purpose of our pain.
Today, I am writing to you because I have decided to take a pause on ENDPAIN.
ENDPAIN has gone through many conceptual iterations, including an app to connect people seeking healing with healers, a physical space to facilitate healing classes and workshops, to what it is today: a website. But for me, it has been more than a website—it has been a living record of a personal journey that I embarked upon alongside strangers and friends alike to explore pain and its purpose.
It was conceived with the intent to create a conscious commerce platform, be it digital or physical. Through this effort, we collaborated with and identified an interdisciplinary community of healers, thought leaders, and conscious humans. These individuals are innovating and creating companies founded on integrity and sustainable practices, managing to compete in the market by offering quality services and products, consumer education, and transparent ethics. We have been inspired by these examples.
ENDPAIN, however, is intangible. It is the work of the heart and the emotional body. The pressure to commoditize is an ominous burden for creators of any kind, especially in an era when value is so confusing. What do we value in America today? It seems to me, that in the mainstream, value is inflated, misappropriated, and directed towards mass-consumption.
As a family, my husband and I have spent the last decade deconstructing and reorganizing systems that don’t work for us. We homeschool our kids and grow our own food. This is our counterculture. Throughout this process, we have realized the importance of simplifying all aspects of our lives so that we can hold space for our greater purpose. Moving further towards this model, we will be taking a short break from ENDPAIN to reorganize and redefine it as a nonprofit. This will create the opportunity to raise funds for special projects and continue sharing tools and resources for healing.
The idea of taking a break from ENDPAIN and releasing the incredibly talented team members that I have had the pleasure of learning and growing with has been hard. I have struggled with feelings of failure and inadequacy, because, perhaps, where the project is today isn’t where I had seen it in my mind four years ago, or two years ago, or even six months ago. But this experience and this moment is exactly what it was meant to be. ENDPAIN continues to serve me by revealing parts of me that still need healing. It’s ok for the plan to change. It’s ok for things to look different than the way other people are doing it. These are the ideals I want to foster in my kids, but even as an adult, it’s hard. The pain of disappointment or perceived failure that I am feeling right now in the pit of my stomach is there because my medicine is in this moment. That pain is ready to be felt and the sharpness comes from the accumulation of the feeling of disappointment or failure that I rejected and refused to feel in the past. It is with open arms and a fully surrendered heart that I welcome this grief or sadness to be felt so that it may be released.
We won’t be gone forever, and we want to stay in touch! Please feel free to send me an email at email@example.com with thoughts or comments regarding how you may have been impacted by content shared on ENDPAIN, or reach out with ideas for future iterations of the project. As part of our temporary farewell, we hope you enjoy the incredible Gut artwork by Susan Choi. May this work inspire and remind us all to connect with our gut-level intuition, remembering that we are one body, mind, and spirit: an interconnected energy body full of deep intelligence and wisdom when we create time to listen from the heart.
With Love, Alison Hersel