Originally published at PushingBeauty.com and graciously shared with ENDPAIN.
We all want the pain to go away. It’s a natural inclination. We feel pain, and we want to run. We feel pain, and we want someone to cuddle us. We feel pain, and we want turn to food, alcohol, TV, sex, and socializing. Anything to avoid the discomfort.
I’m no different. When I feel uncomfortable feelings, false beliefs, or negative thoughts popping up I have been habituated to lean on people in my life to feel better. It’s something I have to be really conscious of. When I’m too lost in my pain I rely on other people to make me feel better instead of healing myself.
When I was devastatingly heartbroken last year I called my mom All. The. Time. Every time I felt lonely and afraid of the pain I was feeling I’d pick up the phone. She did her best to soothe me, but she couldn’t actually do or say anything to make the pain stop. She could only be there to support me, and she was.
At a certain point she reminded me, “You are the one who has to pick yourself up from this. I can’t do it for you.”
I needed to hear those words. I remember crying as she said them. I was crying because I was heartbroken but I was also crying because I was afraid of what facing the pain would mean. I laid in bed after we hung up, and I got real with myself: no one is coming to save you, but you have the power to heal yourself.
NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE YOU, BUT YOU HAVE THE POWER TO HEAL YOURSELF
The realization that no one was coming to save me was like whoa. I was surprised by how much of me was expecting something outside of me to change my inner state. This often unconscious desire holds us back from stepping up to save ourselves.
It’s not that no one wants to save you. A whole bunch of people do, and maybe some of them will try. But they can't. No one can heal your wounds but you.
These are the moments of remembering our true nature. We ebb and flow between forgetting and remembering who we really are. Every single time I come back to the truth that I have all the power within myself to heal and to manifest I can feel the possibilities rippling through me. Everything looks and feels different.
IN JUST ONE SIMPLE SHIFT IN PERSPECTIVE YOU CAN GAIN CLARITY ON YOUR LIFE
One of the simplest ways to gain clarity on our life is to practice Breathwork. This is the fastest tool I know to get you out of your head and connected to your soul. It's the best way to detach from making your pain a problem so you can see the deeper truth beneath it all.
This doesn’t mean you feel good or that the pain isn’t there, but you’re awake to the truth about yourself. Having these glimpses into the truth is what helps us commit to showing up to do the work.
Even before showing up to do the work your soul is guiding you. You might feel resonance with something you read or hear. There are a series of synchronistic events. One thing after another leads you to the place you are, like here. You feel more resonance or you don't. Those desire guide you. The more you begin to pay attention to them the more you can help yourself out.
The soul that is guiding you forward knows that you have work to do. It doesn't want to run from the pain, that's your ego showing up. Your soul wants you to commit to yourself. That's why it's nudging you forward. It knows you are here to live big. You are here to be courageous. You are not here to shrink down and give up because you're hurt.
WE ARE ALL AFRAID OF FACING THE PAIN BECAUSE WE DON'T KNOW WHERE THE HELL IT'S GOING TO TAKE US
We are all afraid of facing the pain because we don't know where the hell it's going to take us. It's strong for all of us. That's why we're all obsessed with consuming. We consume to avoid. It feels good (momentarily) to consume. It doesn't feel good to feel the pain. So, why should we? Who wants to feel pain? Not me.
But I do it because I know that if I don’t feel it, I don’t heal it. If I don’t heal it then it runs me. I start to live unconsciously, and I’m too conscious for that. If I let it drive me then I’m not living according to my soul, and I don’t want to piss my soul off. If I let it drive me then I don’t get to live the incredible life I can feel in my bones I’m here to live.
WHEN YOU WAKE UP TO THE TRUTH THAT YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE YOU ACCESS A POWER WITHIN YOU THAT IS UNSTOPPABLE
When you wake up to the truth that you can heal your life you access a power within you that is unstoppable. Healing yourself is about truly knowing yourself. You know where you're blocked. You know how to listen to what you need. You know how to give yourself what you need. You have found the tools that work for you and you use them. You treat yourself with love. You honor your body, your mind, and your soul. Healing your life means that you remove all illusion that someone else is going to make your life better, and you step up to the task.
We are each responsible for healing ourselves. We’re here to support and guide one another, but we can’t do the hard work for another person. My clients work so hard. They show up for every session. They are willing to look at the truth. They are willing to breathe into their pain. They are willing to release toxic energy. I’m supporting them, but they are healing themselves.
ALL THE POWER TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE IS WITHIN YOU RIGHT NOW
You can be guided and supported by others (which I highly recommend), but don’t discount the fact that it’s you who is going to be showing up to do the work. When we live from this truth we access our power.